Friend in the Dark
by MadamAirlock
Summary: A mysterious cloud promises a shorter trip home, but negotiations for passage take a turn for the worse when the Vanaden are nothing like they seem. This is my entry for round one of Cutthroat Fiction! Title is based on the Helen Keller quote: "Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
1. Chapter 1

Kathryn stared out the window in the mess hall, her fingers loosely curled around her third cup of coffee. She absently tapped her fingers on the aluminum and wished for a normal ceramic mug, her mind conjuring her favorite cup from home: pale pink roses with vivid green vines twisted along the sides and handle. It was a gift from Boothby and damn, did she miss it. She forced her thoughts to the current moment and finished off her coffee, the mug returning to the table as her combadge chirped.

"Captain, we've reached the cloud."

"I'll be there shortly, Chakotay." She stood before she ended the connection, smiling gratefully when Neelix took her mug to recycle it. She would only replicate another once she reached the bridge.

The bridge was oddly silent when she stepped out of the turbolift; not even Chakotay glanced back to acknowledge her arrival. She didn't notice, her attention immediately grabbed by the same thing that held the focus of her crew: a beautiful display of blues, silvers, oranges, and reds danced millions of kilometers off the ship's bow.

"It looks like a planetary nebula," Harry commented, "but it's far bigger than normal."

"Scan for anything inside the cloud: a white dwarf or any type of star or body," Kathryn ordered as she took her seat, one leg crossed over the other.

"There's hydrogen, helium… sulfur, nitrogen… Typical things found in a planetary nebula." Chakotay tapped on their shared screen to retrieve more data. "Our sensors can't penetrate past a light year. There's something blocking them."

"Denser gas, maybe." Kathryn leaned over to see the screen better and glanced again at the cloud. "Tom, can we move closer?"

"I can get us right to the edge." He glanced over his shoulder at her, already inching _Voyager_ toward the nebula.

"What are the chances we can see the inside of this thing? Find out how large it is?" Kathryn nudged her first officer's hand out of the way and took over reviewing the data, her brow furrowing at how little was displayed.

Without needing to be asked, Chakotay tapped his combadge and called for their chief engineer. "Will these gases affect the warp drive at all?"

"As long as we don't go too far in, we'll be fine," she answered immediately before pausing briefly. "If it does have an effect, it'll throw everything into a state of flux. I'll have a team ready."

Kathryn looked from her console to Chakotay and nodded after they made eye contact. "Take us in, Tom. Slowly," she emphasized, turning her gaze to the pilot. She waited for his confirmation before she settled back into her seat, unable to look away from the ever-growing cloud.

The engines stuttered as the ship passed the threshold of the nebula, but continued propelling forward until the only thing visible in any direction was clouds of gas. Kathryn leaned forward in her seat, her hands tightly grasped in her lap as she watched the ribbons of gas displaced by _Voyager_.

"Captain?" The tone of Tom's voice forced her eyes away from the nebula and to him, her eyebrow raising briefly. "The composition of the gas is changing."

"It's barium," Harry said before Kathryn could process Tom's words. "Everything we detected on the outside is merging, and the further inside we go, the more barium there is."

Kathryn looked at the cloud, finally noticing the thin strands of silver filling the colored gas around them. The further ahead she looked, the more and more silver she saw.

"Every cloud has a silver lining," she murmured, earning a light chuckle from Chakotay.

"Engineering to the bridge, we have a problem. We're losing impulse engines and the warp field is shutting down."

"Shutting down?" Kathryn echoed, rising from her seat to stand in front of the screen with a hand on her hip.

"The change in gas outside is negatively affecting the warp field and I don't know what's wrong with the engines yet. We need to get out of here now." B'Elanna's voice held enough urgency for Kathryn to immediately nod to her pilot.

"Reverse engines, three-quarters impulse."

 _Voyager_ shuddered and groaned as Tom reversed the engines, managing a few jerks back before the ship fell still. Tom tried again, but the lack of her normal hum and vibrations told the crew all they needed to know.

"We've lost all engines," B'Elanna finally said.

"I want them back as soon as you can, B'Elanna," Kathryn sighed.

"I'll try, but it's going to take at least four hours." The engineer's exasperation seeped into her voice and Kathryn shook her head.

"Just fix it." She ended the communication and glanced at the surrounding nebula which now held them in a deadlock. "Is there anything on scanners? Stars, planets, moons? Anything?"

"We still can't scan anything further than a couple million kilometers ahead of us," Harry answered, "but we have a clear view of the lack of something behind us and beside us."

"How wide is it?"

Harry hesitated. "We can't actually see the edges from here. As far out as our scanners can go, there's still gas."

"Boost them with the deflector dish. While we're stuck here, I want to know everything we possibly can about this thing. Work with Seven on it." Harry nodded and quickly retreated to the turbolift, a beta shift lieutenant taking his place.

Four hours later, _Voyager_ had made no progress forward or backward, and their understanding of the cloud changed just as much. Kathryn found herself in the mess hall again with either her fifth or sixth cup of coffee and a hardly touched bowl of soup. Chakotay sat across from her with an empty bowl, but his eyes were focused over her shoulder and out the viewport. She took the opportunity to trace his tattoo with her eyes; she took a drink of coffee before resting her hand on top of his.

"B'Elanna says it's going to take a few days to get impulse engines back," he finally said, looking away from their problem to her. "She doesn't have an estimate on the warp drive yet; the gases keep collapsing the field before they can get it stabilized."

"Tell them to keep working, then. Worst case scenario, we can have Tom and Harry get out and push." She laughed softly and finished off her coffee.

"Oh, they'll love that," he laughed, his dimples flashing as he smiled.

"Captain Janeway." Her combadge interrupted their conversation.

Chakotay grinned at her. "Speak of the devil; it's our favorite son," he teased.

"Yes, Mr. Kim?"

"Sensors picked up a large ship headed toward us. It will be within hailing range in an hour."

"Thank you, Harry. I'll be there before they're in range." She shook her head and moved her spoon around her soup. "What do you think, friend or foe?"

"Hopefully friend. We could use a few alliances right now."

"We could," she agreed. "In general, and with getting out of this thing." She shook her head again and gathered her dishes as she stood up. "I want to check in with B'Elanna before meeting this ship."

"I'll go with you. I'm sure Tuvok can handle the bridge for a bit longer." He grabbed their dishes before she could lift them off the table, immediately crossing the room to recycle them. She rolled her eyes and followed him from the room.


	2. Chapter 2

The ship approaching them was like nothing Kathryn had seen, though that was quickly losing its impact after five years of constantly new things. Easily three times the size of _Voyager_ with engines resembling ancient ship propellers, it moved easily through the gas toward them at speeds far faster than _Voyager_ could achieve.

"We're being hailed, Captain."

"On screen, Harry." She rose from her chair and looked at the screen. The silver and colored filaments of gas lingered for a moment before they fizzled out to black and the interior of an alien ship appeared. The middle of the screen was taken up by a thin, tall alien with three long and curling horns. The fourth had an uneven edge, as if it had been shattered and broken. Their face was impassive save for a slightly arched eyebrow.

"I am Reshtin of the Vanaden. Why have you invaded our sacred ground?"

"My apologies," Kathryn said immediately. "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship, _Voyager._ We're trying to get home and this nebula is damaging our engines. In retrospect, we should have studied it more before we entered it."

"This cloud is sacred to my people and you are trespassing. Please leave immediately." The alien's words were followed by a shrill squeal and Kathryn barely hid her wince.

"We're trying to fix our engines so we can do just that. We're stuck at the moment," she explained, extending her arms in a passive gesture.

The alien was silent for a moment, their long fingers interlacing on the console before them. "I could help pull you out," they finally said.

"We would appreciate it. Thank you, Reshtin." Kathryn smiled and took a step back toward her seat.

"Please leave your engines offline until we clear the cloud. I will let you know when you can engage them." Reshtin ended the connection and the cloud reappeared on the viewscreen.

"What a welcome," she commented as she settled into her seat, her eyebrow raising briefly, "but anything is better than being stuck in that…"

"The void?" Tom offered. Kathryn rolled her eyes.

"A little extreme, but yes." She fell silent as her ship jerked and slowly started moving backward, leaving Chakotay to explain the situation to B'Elanna and the rest of engineering.

Within twenty minutes, _Voyager_ was pulled free of the cloud and B'Elanna was able to have the warp drive functioning instantly. Reshtin appeared on the viewscreen again, and Kathryn thought they looked more welcoming—if possible.

"Thank you again for freeing us," Kathryn said, her smile genuine.

Reshtin offered what seemed to be a smile in return. "I spoke with our First Prime, and she would like to speak with you. We haven't made contact with a new species in many years."

"We would be happy to speak with her." She glanced at Chakotay and then back to Reshtin.

"I am glad to hear that. Her ship will be here soon, if you will wait." Reshtin unfolded their fingers and rested them beneath the console.

"Of course, we'll wait." Kathryn nodded to enforce her words, her smile remaining.

"Thank you. I will contact you when her ship arrives." Reshtin ended the communication once more and Kathryn sighed.

"That didn't turn out as we expected." Chakotay shook his head and shifted in his seat to look at her.

"Such innocence," Kathryn teased.

"Yeah, when do things ever go the way we expect them?" Tom added, causing a ripple of laughter across the bridge crew.

"But it really is a non-sequitur from Reshtin's earlier behavior." Kathryn shrugged and made sure their sensors were scanning for the Vanaden's First Prime and her ship. "We can't get too complacent—I don't want to be a sitting duck."

"How are our shields?" Chakotay asked, tilting his head to look back at Tuvok.

"Our shields are at 100%. Nothing was damaged by the cloud other than the engines," he answered.

"Raise shields now, Tuvok. If Reshtin is offended, we'll say it was a test of our systems," Kathryn stood from her chair once more. "Chakotay, you have the bridge. Alert me when the new ship is close by."

"Yes, Captain." Her first officer nodded and watched as she quickly left the bridge.

The moment she returned to the bridge, she glanced at the chronometer and couldn't help but sigh. 11:59—sixteen hours since she had seen her bed and going on twenty hours since she had actually slept in it; night held no meaning when it was always dark outside. She lost count of how many cups of coffee she had downed, only focused on the impending meeting with the First Prime.

"The First Prime is requesting you meet on her ship," Chakotay explained, already on his feet and ready to go. "She said two people could accompany you."

Kathryn held her hand up and shook her head. "I'll take Tuvok and Mr. Kim. You'll have the bridge, Commander."

"Captain—" She tilted her head and looked at him, daring him to continue his protest. He fell silent, instead relaying his displeasure with the furrow of his brows.

"I'll have someone to watch over me, if that's your concern." She smoothed out her uniform and looked at her lieutenant commander and ensign. "Meet me in Transporter Room One in ten minutes."

"Yes, Captain," Harry responded immediately, following Tuvok from the bridge.

"I'll keep you updated on what they want. They haven't opened fire yet, so my hopes are curiously high." She offered her first officer a small smile and zipped her jacket up a little more. "Take care of my ship, Commander."

"I'll make sure the exhaust manifolds are scrubbed until they shine. Might even scrub your chair too." He returned her smile and patted the arm of her chair.

"I'll be on the lookout for any imperfections when I get back." Her smile widened before she followed Tuvok and Harry off the bridge.


	3. Chapter 3

Kathryn watched as _Voyager_ disappeared and an alien ship appeared in her place, the corridors filled with a pale pink glow. She stepped off the platform they arrived on and looked back at her crewmates.

"Nicer than I expected," Harry commented softly.

Kathryn smiled. "She is the First Prime." She shrugged and took another step forward, pausing to pull out her tricorder.

Before she could take another step, the doors to the room slid open and a small crowd entered. The first four aliens were tall and thin, almost identical in appearance to Reshtin, and carried long staffs. Kathryn felt Tuvok step from behind her to beside her, and she held up her hand to stop him from moving further; she didn't detect any sense from what she assumed was the security team.

Behind the four guards came another two aliens. They stood half a head shorter than the four in front and the dramatic increase in quality of their clothes told Kathryn all she needed to know about their status. She folded her hands in front of her and watched as the first six aliens stepped aside to reveal a much shorter being in an elaborate headdress bearing stones in various shades of pink and red. She strode in front of her companions and laced her fingers together in front of her face before she bowed her head for several seconds. The six other aliens mimicked the gesture, and Kathryn glanced to Tuvok and Harry before they repeated it as well.

"Thank you for visiting my ship," the First Prime finally said, raising her head to smile at them. Kathryn noticed how sharp her incisors were, reminiscent of the ancient myth of dragon's teeth. "I feel we have much to discuss."

"Thank you, and Reshtin, for saving my ship from that nebula. And I do apologize for trespassing," Kathryn replied, returning the First Prime's smile.

"Yes, they mentioned you are trying to find your way home?"

"We're far from home and not familiar with this part of space. We're also scientists, and tend to explore anything abnormal that crosses our path."

"Yes, I understand that. But if you'll follow me, I have a more comfortable place we can talk." She nodded her head toward the door the group came through and stepped out of the way.

The four guards went first, and the First Prime waved for her visitors to walk beside her with the remaining two following behind. They walked through several elaborate, pink-lit corridors before they entered another room with a large table and floor-to-ceiling viewports. Kathryn spied _Voyager_ in the distance and couldn't help but smile. She turned to the First Prime as she waved her companions off, leaving her alone with Kathryn, Harry, and Tuvok.

"Please, have a seat." The First Prime motioned to the chairs surrounding the table and sat at the head. Kathryn and Tuvok sat beside her and Harry settled next to his captain. "As you may know, I am First Prime of the Vanaden. You may call me Mannah. Reshtin informs me you are Captain?"

"Yes, Captain of the starship _Voyager_ ," Kathryn nodded as she spoke. "Captain Kathryn Janeway. My chief of security, Lieutenant Tuvok, and Ensign Kim."

"Again, it is my pleasure to have you all here. You come from very far away, and you must have different technologies. I wish to propose a fair trade."

"A trade?" Kathryn leaned forward and rested her hands on the table, watching Mannah closely.

"Yes. The nebula is far too large for you to go around—with your engines it would easily add a year to your journey." Kathryn sighed inwardly; time and again, interesting phenomena always extended their trip.

"I had a feeling that might be the case," she said after a moment. "The cloud negatively affects our engines anyway."

"That is where the trade comes in. We have a prototype of our engines which we believe can be adapted to your ship. I am prepared to offer the prototype and passage through our sanctuary, in return for technology and information."

"What kind of information and technology?" Tuvok asked, leaning forward as well.

"We see you have replicator technology. That, weapons, or your shields schematics would be acceptable," Mannah answered. She adjusted her headdress and looked between them.

"We don't usually trade technology. It's against our Prime Directive." She shifted in her seat, surprised by her own willingness to consider the trade.

"That's a shame," Mannah sighed.

"I'll need to discuss it with my first officer before we make a definite answer," Kathryn added quickly. "We'll have to go back to my ship."

"Yes, of course." Mannah smiled and rose from her seat. "I'll have Reya escort you back to our transporters. When can we expect an answer?"

"By tomorrow morning." Kathryn smiled and stood as well, her crewmates following suit.

"Hopefully we can come to some resolutions regarding our trade." Mannah rested a hand on her hip and stepped back from the table as the door behind Kathryn opened. "Reya, please make sure our guests make it safely back to their ship."

"Yes, First Prime." Reya bowed her head and held the door open. Harry and Tuvok stepped into the corridor

"We'll be speaking again shortly. I don't expect this to be a coda to our negotiations." Mannah followed them to the door, stopping a few steps from Kathryn.

"Neither do I," Kathryn confirmed. "I'm sure we'll have much to continue discussing either way." She turned and left the room, following Reya back to the ship's transporter.

Chakotay requested they meet in Holodeck One once she was back on _Voyager_. She entered the room, surprised to find the familiar mess hall of McKinley Station. Across from where she stood, large viewports provided a stunning view of Earth, and the moon in the distance. Her breath caught and she took a small step forward, unable to look away from her homeworld.

"I thought we could both use a reminder of home," Chakotay murmured, startling her from trance. He rested his hand on her arm and she turned to him, a small and sad smile crossing her lips. He kissed her softly, hoping to draw some of the sadness out of her expression.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, surprised by the emotions overwhelming her at the photonic view. She started to lean into him, but he shook his head.

"A good view with dinner. Come on." He gently guided her to a table by the window, already set with vegetarian lasagna and a glass of Antarian cider for them both. She smiled gratefully as he pulled out her chair and she got a whiff of the food.

"You didn't have to do this," she managed, looking up at him as he pushed her chair in.

"I wanted to. Eat, and then we can talk about the Vanaden." He divvied up the lasagna between their plates and added salad, pausing to take a sip of cider before he sat down across from her. Silence filled the room as they ate, only punctured by Kathryn's soft hums of enjoyment. Chakotay waited until her lasagna was half gone and he had finished his cider before he spoke. "You said they wanted to trade?"

"Yes. An engine prototype and passage through this cloud in exchange for technology." She wiped her mouth with her napkin and rested her hand in her lap.

"Which the Prime Directive prohibits," he added before she could.

"Right." She picked at a small piece of lingering lasagna and ate it, mulling over the flavor while she contemplated the gift.

"You're thinking about it, aren't you?"

"How many times have I turned down or destroyed a means of getting home, Chakotay? Maybe I'm tired of the fight between what we need and what the Prime Directive says we should do." She sighed and took another drink of cider, her eyes closing briefly.

"Would providing the Vanaden with a little technology really have that much of an impact?" he asked, reaching across the table to rest his hand on hers.

"We don't know what enemies they have, why they want the technology." She shook her head and turned her hand over to take his.

"Then it sounds like we need more information. Send a diplomatic team over instead of a security team," he suggested.

"Maybe they'll accept information we can offer, anything in the computer's database…" She looked up, seeming a little less conflicted.

"Exactly. Promise you'll be careful when you go back." He looked at her and took her hand, waiting until she met his eyes and nodded. "I have plans involving you tomorrow night." He winked and she laughed. "But first, finish eating."

"Aye, Commander." She smiled and left her hand in his, using her other to finish her lasagna and cider.


	4. Chapter 4

Darkness greeted Kathryn, a thick and heavy darkness that wrapped around her. It chilled her more than the metal floor she rested on, pulling shivers from her body. She noticed a pale pink light in the distance and became aware of the hum of engines she recognized from Mannah's ship.

She pushed herself into a sitting position, blindly reaching out in search of anything around her. Her fingers barely brushed a metal wall behind her and another to her left, leaving her in a cold corner. She slowly inched toward the wall until she could lean against it, raising her hand to run through her hair. Near the back of her head, she found a damp and matted mess and hissed softly as she ran her fingers over it.

She gently leaned her head back and closed her eyes, trying to piece together what had happened and why she couldn't remember. Her fingers found their way back to the sore spot on her head and she winced once more, deciding instead to push herself up. She wobbled and followed the wall, leaning heavily on it as she moved toward the pink light. She only made it a few steps before she found thick, closely-spaced bars. She ran her fingers along them until she reached the third wall, completing what must be a cell.

Sighing, she returned to the opening and felt around for a door, giving it a hard shake to make sure it was locked. The door rattled and the sound echoed down the corridor, but didn't open. Kathryn slowly retreated back to her corner and closed her eyes, forcing herself to focus on the last thing she could clearly remember.

 _She followed Mannah down the hallway after ensuring that Wildman and Tom were set up with the second prime, Reya. During their visit, Kathryn and Mannah didn't discuss the exchange of technology again, but spent the time learning about their cultures and exchanging information._

Kathryn's head jerked up and hit the wall, sending a new surge of pain through her head and down her neck, and a new wave of nausea through her stomach. She immediately cradled her head in her hand and looked up to see what had woken her up—two of the Venaden stood outside her cell and one held the door open. She concluded the clang of the opening door must have been loud enough to wake her.

"You're awake," the one holding the door open said. Their voice was cold, far more emotionless than what she had heard from any other of their race.

"What happened? Why are you holding me here?" she asked, forcing herself up and almost falling back down. She managed to stay upright and tried to dig her nails into the perfectly smooth metal as she moved closer to the opening.

"The First Prime wishes to see you."

"I'd love to see her too. Maybe she'll answer my questions." Kathryn made it to the opening and reluctantly leaned into the Venaden as they grabbed her arm and led her toward the pink light.

 _Kathryn stood to leave, accepting the jar of Venaden spices from Mannah. It was a simple trade, with Earth spices expected in exchange. She would return to_ Voyager _to consult with Chakotay about their stance on the larger trade and bring back her answer and spices. It was a good agreement, despite Kathryn's lingering questions about breaking the Prime Directive to help her crew. She hoped Chakotay could advise her one way or another._

 _Their talk turned to relationships as they walked from Mannah's quarters to their transporter pad. They turned a corner and—_

"—you'll give us new weapons or the capability of producing your weapons ourselves." The Vanaden that stood before her looked nothing like Mannah and sounded nowhere near the First Prime Kathryn had been introduced too.

Confusion clouded her mind and she struggled to process what Mannah was saying, if it was Mannah she was speaking with at all. "No, I won't," she finally managed. "You won't get anything from my ship and they'll do everything they can to get me back."

"Oh, poor, poor Kathryn. Your crew hasn't even asked about you yet. Your little minions left without so much as a query about you." Mannah's voice dripped with condescension and she spoke at a level that acted as a knife to Kathryn's head.

"You put up a good front," she forced out, trying to push the rising nausea back down. "But when I haven't made contact soon, they'll know something is wrong."

"By then, there won't be anything for them to find." Mannah shrugged and picked her headdress up off the table. She replaced it on her head and pulled her long red robe on, slowly turning into the Venaden Kathryn was used to—the one who seemed friendly and welcoming. "Take her back to her cell. I have a transmission to wait for." She left and Kathryn was grabbed once more.

Her vision swam as the two Vanaden half-dragged her down now-familiar corridors. The lights gradually darkened until only a single light remained, and even that retreated behind them as they approached her cell. The taller Vanaden threw her inside and slammed the door shut, the metal on metal clang reverberating. She felt it in her body and before she could attempt to stop it, threw up where she lay.

 _Her bed was warm around her—almost too warm—with the blankets pulled close to her body and the pillows perfectly fluffed up. She was counting down her nights left in her own comfortable bed in between bouts of sickness. Caused either by nerves and stress or by genuine sickness, she wasn't sure. She reluctantly rolled from her cocoon and eased into her slippers on her way to the bathroom, her arms clutching her stomach, praying that she make it in time._

 _She collapsed in front of her toilet and emptied her already empty stomach, groaning as it flipped and tensed. Molly finally roused herself from the bed and joined her in the bathroom, nuzzling against Kathryn's shoulder and whining softly. When Kathryn was sure her stomach had settled enough, she sat up and absently ran her fingers through Molly's fur._

 _"I'm going to miss you," she murmured, her hand moving down her dog's enlarged side, "and all your puppies. Mark will take good care of you." She managed a smile and pushed herself up, pausing to glance out the window at the rising sun over the Golden Gate Bridge. "I'll miss this too."_

 _Molly followed her back to bed and they curled up together beneath the blankets, Kathryn's fingers once more absently running through her warm fur. "My first command… Too bad I can't take you with me." Molly gave a quiet bark and Kathryn rested her head lightly on her side. "Oh, you'd hate it. No space to run around, no real grass or sun. You'll be happy with Mark and your puppies, and I'll be back before you know it. I love you."_

Kathryn woke to her arm stretched out beside her and her fingers spread out, her body still convinced she was in the dream she woke from. She slowly pulled her arm back against her body and shivered, wishing for anything more than her grey tank to cover up with. She couldn't remember where her jacket went or when she lost it; she didn't even have an idea of how long she had spent in her little cell.

There was a noise outside, but the echo made it almost impossible to tell if it was nearby or not. She slowly sat up and wrapped her arms around her legs, squinting in an attempt to see through the darkness. She finally saw movement and tensed, waiting to see who it was and what they were going to drag her into this time.

"Captain?" Tom's voice was the last thing Kathryn expected and it took her a moment to realize she was expected to respond.

"Tom? What are you doing here?" Her voice was hoarse and the ache in her throat made her wonder when she had been screaming and why she couldn't remember it.

"Rescuing you, of course. We can't get you from the cell to the hallway, but I can get a pattern enhancer through the bars and we'll both transport back to _Voyager._ " As he spoke, he slid the pattern enhancer through the bars and struggled to set it up.

Kathryn slowly made it over to him and helped, briefly distracted by how her hands shook as she locked the enhancers into place. Tom finished with his two quickly and helped her as she struggled with her second one. Once all four were ready and a soft blue glow joined the distant pink glow, they both stepped up against the bars. Tom reached through and helped stabilize her.

"We're transporting directly to sick bay and Chakotay is ready to head to warp as soon as we're on board. We'll take the long way around the nebula," he explained, offering her a smile she could barely make out in the light put off by the enhancers.

"How long has it been?" She cleared her throat and leaned against the bars, sparing a nervous glance down the hallway.

Tom didn't answer right away. "Three days…" They were both silent for a moment longer before she heard the chirp of his combadge. "Paris to Transporter Room, we're ready for transport."

"We have a lock. Transporting."

Immediately, the darkness was replaced with light which intensified as sick bay materialized around them. Without the support of the bars to hold her up, Kathryn stumbled and Tom caught her, his touch gentle as he helped her to the biobed.

"Doctor to Commander Chakotay, we have them both in Sick Bay." The Doctor's voice came from beside Kathryn, but her sight was quickly tunneling and growing dark as her body grew heavy. "You're safe, Captain." She attempted to reply, but her words blended together as she faded into unconsciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

If the Doctor had his way, it would have taken Kathryn a week to see her quarters again. With a little assistance from Chakotay, she forced her way out after only a couple hours and found herself instead held hostage in slightly more comfortable surroundings.

"Chakotay, I'm fine to go to the bridge." One hand settled into place on her hip and she tried grabbing her clean jacket from him.

"I'm sure you are," he responded, easily lifting her jacket out of her reach, "but there's no need for you to be there. Tuvok has everything under control—as usual—and there's nothing to be done. As long as Tom doesn't veer off course, we have little to do for the next twelve months."

"Don't remind me." She sighed and gave up on her jacket, instead sinking down to the couch and curling her legs up under herself.

"Kathryn." Chakotay's voice held enough of a warning for her to look at him, but it didn't erase the small scowl on her face. "This isn't the time to feel guilty about what happened or that you couldn't get us home faster."

"That's not it— "

"Don't argue," he interrupted, sitting beside her. His arm wrapped around her shoulders and she settled into his side after a moment of debate, her head resting on his chest as they leaned back. "I want you to tell me what happened."

She sighed and closed her eyes as she reached for the blanket behind them. He helped her drape it over their laps and pressed a kiss to her temple. She remained quiet and he said nothing, knowing she would eventually open up to him. Silence between them wasn't awkward, it was comfortable and sometimes necessary like this.

"Mannah wanted our technology," she finally said, her voice soft and her eyes still closed. "She was willing to do anything to get it, even kill me."

His arm tightened around her and she willingly curled up more against him, her hand moving to rest against his chest by her head. "What did they do?" he asked softly, his face buried in her hair. He missed the usual light scent of vanilla with a hint of something he could never put his finger on. He couldn't even detect the faintest smell of coffee on her.

"Not much," she answered.

He kissed her head and gently squeezed her side. "I still want to know."

She fell silent again until the only the soft sounds of _Voyager_ 's engines could be heard, and she allowed the sound and Chakotay's warm body to relax her. "They mostly left me alone…"

He remained quiet and still, his head still resting against hers.

"At least, I think they did." Her brow furrowed and she tilted her head to look up at him. "Everything is foggy. Like the memories are there, but they're twisted and they don't make sense."

"The Doctor said there was something in your system, but he couldn't identify it."

"Some sort of drug?"

Chakotay nodded and absently rubbed his hand along her arm. "He said he didn't know what effect it had on you…"

"But now we do." She sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. "How do I remember, then?"

"You go back to Sick Bay." His answer was immediate and she shot him a glare which withered away quickly. "You have two options, Kathryn." His voice softened and he shifted to cup her face, his thumb stroking along her cheek. "You can try to move past this without remembering everything, or we can go back to Sick Bay so you can remember what happened and we can deal with it."

She didn't respond, and she lowered her eyes to her lap to avoid facing him.

"No matter what you chose," he added, "you know I'll be right here beside you. I'm not going anywhere." He gently tilted her head up so their eyes met, and he offered her a small smile. "You're stuck with me."

His words brought a small smile to her lips and she leaned forward to kiss him softly. "We're going back to Sick Bay, then."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and reluctantly extricated herself from his arms, but grabbed his hand before she stood up. "Tuvok can handle the bridge for a little longer."

"I'm sure he can. I'll let him know it'll be a bit longer before I relieve him." He stood up as he tapped his combadge, quickly speaking with Tuvok as Kathryn pulled her jacket on and zipped it halfway.

Chakotay started for her door, but she stopped and tugged him back by his hand. "Before we go… I want to know how you found me."

He stopped and looked at her for a moment before guiding her back to the couch. She sat pressed against him and his arm wound around her waist. "We knew you were on the First Prime's ship, but their shields went up and we couldn't communicate with them or scan them."

"Mannah told me she did that," she explained, her attention focused on him.

"We knew something was off when Wildman and Paris came back and hadn't heard from you, but it only became concerning when you never checked in. Harry started finding a way to penetrate their shields and I kept trying to make contact. It took several hours for Harry to figure it out and then even longer to find out where they were keeping you.

"We still needed them to lower their shields to transport in or out and the only way they would do that is if they were expecting a trade."

"You promised them technology…"

Chakotay nodded. "I promised them replicator technology. They lowered their shields; Harry hid Paris' transporter pattern and got him over there. We told the Venaden we were having transporter problems due to their nebula, and were able to beam both of you back. Tuvok disabled their engines and we went to warp."

"You got lucky." Her voice held a hint of disdain and Chakotay looked at her.

"Yeah, we did. But we take what we can get out here, Kathryn. We got you back and we're safe. So, what if luck helped with that?" He paused for a moment. "Sometimes the silver lining isn't very thick, but it's there. And this time, it's that you're okay. _Voyager_ is okay."

"What about the added year to our trip?"

"We'll make up time somewhere else. We'll be okay." He took both of her hands in his and gave them a firm squeeze before pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "We have an amazing captain who will get us home."

She squeezed his hands in return and watched him for a moment. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me." He kissed her forehead and smiled. "Do you still want to go to Sick Bay." She nodded and he helped her up, his hand holding hers as they left her quarters.

They were silent as they made their way through the corridors to the turbolift and still silent as they entered Sick Bay. Kathryn was relieved to find the room completely empty except for the Doctor singing in his office. She started to follow Chakotay, but he nudged her toward a biobed. She rubbed her arm and eased onto it, shivering involuntarily as she watched Chakotay and the Doctor through the glass. She remained quiet, trying to appear dignified when she felt anything but. Her façade only faded when they approached her.

"Are you sure this is what you want, Captain?" The Doctor asked, the hesitation and hint of concern in his voice almost giving her pause.

"I'm sure," she answered, trying to hide the way her voice and hands shook. "I want this over with."

Chakotay took her hand and the Doctor merely nodded. "I synthesized a counteragent to the drug which should release your memory engrams. You may remember things bit by bit, or they may come back all at once. I recommend staying off duty for at least the next week."

Kathryn hesitated and tightly squeezed Chakotay's hand, her nails digging into his palm. "Do I have to stay here?"

"Just for the first few hours. Then I'll entrust you to Commander Chakotay's care in your quarters."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay."

She kept hold of Chakotay's hand and laid back on the biobed, her eyes fluttering closed. She didn't want to watch as the Doctor did whatever he needed to, but she felt the hypospray against her neck and then felt her body growing lighter as everything else faded away.


	6. Chapter 6

Kathryn woke with an echoing scream in her head and her sheets clinging to the cold sweat covering her body. Darkness encompassed her once more, filing her body with crushing fear as she tangled her fingers in the layers on her bed and slowly pulled them away before fighting with her nightgown. She didn't make it very far when the doors to her bedroom slid open and Chakotay rushed in, his concern evident and overwhelming. He didn't say anything as he sank onto the bed beside her and took her in his arms, smoothing down her hair holding her close. Confusion washed over her, but she ignored it in favor of curling up in his safe embrace.

"What happened?" he asked after several moments, after her trembles had died down and her breathing evened out.

"I…." She swallowed and closed her eyes, burying her face in his chest.

"You screamed," he murmured.

"I thought… I didn't dream it?"

He shook his head and tightened his arm as he pulled her sheets around her. She started to relax in the sheltered warmth, her fingers absently picking at a loose thread in her blanket from home—from Earth.

"I think they were planning this from the beginning."

"Planning what?"

"Forcing our hand if we didn't agree to a trade. They had everything set up, just waiting for us." She sighed and sat up, stretching her legs out with a wince as feeling started seeping back into her limbs. "Someone was waiting for me as I was getting ready to leave. They knocked me out and I woke up in the cell Tom found me in." Her hand moved to the back of her head in search of the wound the Doctor had healed.

Chakotay gently took her hand and laced their fingers together on her stomach. She slowly moved so she was sitting between his legs and fully resting against his chest, the blankets still tightly wrapped around herself.

"There were two of them, always the same ones, who would take me to Mannah whenever she wanted to try to convince me. When I never gave in, she would… I don't know what it was…" Her voice went quiet and she seemed to grow smaller against Chakotay. "It hurt… I just remember screaming and… and begging for it to stop. And maybe I passed out or maybe I still don't remember, but I'd end up back in the cell and wait for it to start again."

"Oh, Kathryn…" He sighed and tightened his arms, holding her as close as he could. He pressed a kiss to her head and swayed gently, trying to do anything he could to reassure her.

"It was only three days of it, but it felt like forever…. Especially when I didn't know what was going on, when I couldn't remember anything." She shook her head and turned around in his embrace, her arms wrapping around him to get as close as possible.

He gently tangled his fingers in her hair and held her head against his chest, his other hand rubbing up and down her back. He felt rather than heard her start to cry, her tears dampening his shirt. He only held her closer, murmuring anything reassuring that came to mind. He held her as she cried and rocked her as she slowly started calming down. He held her even as she fell back to sleep, her exhaustion catching up to her.

As she slept, he grabbed a padd off her nightstand and slowly made his way through the reports and crew schedules waiting for him. One hand remained in Kathryn's hair, absently playing with it to help keep her asleep. Anytime she stirred, he moved his hand to her back until she drifted to sleep again.

It took three days of interrupted sleep for her to willingly leave his embrace and the bed. He could see the exhaustion in the bags under her eyes and the way she dragged herself around the room. It broke his heart and he always pulled her back to bed, relieved when she would fall back to sleep however briefly.

She slept through the night for the first time a week after she returned to _Voyager_. She slowly stretched out and immediately curled back up into his arms; her movements woke Chakotay from his first deep sleep and he pulled her closer.

"Good morning," he murmured, his voice heavy with sleep. He felt her move her head to his chest and opened his eyes to kiss her hair.

"Morning," she responded softly, her arm draping over his chest as she settled her full weight against him.

"What do you say to some coffee and a shower?" He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and rested his hand on the curve of her back.

"As long as it's coffee first and you're in the shower with me."

"You drive a hard bargain." He smiled, relieved at the hint of normalcy their exchange held, and she raised her head to look at him. "I wasn't disagreeing. I'll go make the coffee while you start the shower."

"With real water." He knew the quick sonic showers the past few days didn't relax her as much as a real shower or a bath did.

"With real water." He helped her up before standing himself, watching her walk into the bathroom before he replicated a cup of coffee for her.

He followed her into the bathroom and watched as she downed half of the coffee before she even got undressed. He took her discarded nightgown and tossed it in the 'fresher, then climbed into the shower behind her. He poured some of her shampoo into his hands and gently worked it through her hair.

"I miss your longer hair," he murmured, his mouth right by her ear. He felt the shiver go through her body.

"I do too," she admitted softly, her head tilting back into his hands. "But it wasn't practical. It was one indulgence I couldn't convince myself to allow."

"Even the captain is allowed to indulge." He kissed her shoulder and helped her under the water, his fingers running through her until the water ran clear again.

"I have a shower with running water. I'd call that an indulgence." She turned and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I have you too."

"I'm an indulgence, am I?" He smiled and kissed her softly. She swatted his arm and nudged him out of the shower. "Hey! I need to shower too!"

"Too bad." She leaned out to smirk at him and even flicked a bit of water in his direction. "You can shower when I'm done."

"Shame I'll have to keep my hands to myself." He grinned and leaned against the bulkhead as he waited for her to finish.

He climbed in as soon as she climbed out and as he rinsed off his body, he heard a combadge and muffed voices. He hurriedly finished and walked toward her voice with only a towel around his waist.

"Everything okay?"

She nodded and replicated clean clothes for them both. "Neelix asked us to meet him in the mess hall, but he wouldn't say what it was for."

"Probably to make sure you're eating." He smiled and took the outfit she handed him.

"Maybe." She shrugged and they both dressed in relative silence, Chakotay trying to keep a straight face that didn't betray what he knew.


	7. Chapter 7

Chakotay led the way to the mess halland entered just before Kathryn. He stepped aside and as she entered, Harry, Tom, Neelix, Seven, B'Elanna, the Doctor, and even Tuvok greeted her warmly. Chakotay smiled and accepted two glasses of champagne from Neelix, offering one to her.

"What is this?" she asked, looking between her crew with piqued curiosity and confusion.

"I believe it's called Friendship Day," Neelix explained with a large smile. "Established… well, today actually." He shrugged and gestured to everyone gathered. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," she murmured, a smile growing on her lips. "What is Friendship Day, then?"

"It's just a day to celebrate friendships. Between friends, family…"

"Significant others," Tom added and B'Elanna nudged him in the ribs.

"Is there any reason for the sudden celebration of this holiday?" Kathryn gave Neelix a look.

"None at all, Captain." He smiled and held up his champagne. "To friendship!"

"To friendship." Kathryn echoed and the rest of their little family echoed her.

Chakotay's arm found its way around her waist as they took their drinks, unable to help but notice how her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. She was smiling and pretending to be okay, and he wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. He didn't mention it as he followed her around the room, watching as she thanked everyone present and slowly finished off her drink.

When they found themselves alone for the moment by the viewport, he gently pulled her against his side. She started to protest, but he shook his head and then nodded toward the company in the room.

"You know they don't care," he said softly. "They've explicitly said as much. Let's enjoy this moment while we can."

She sighed and nodded as she settled into his side, her glass abandoned on the table beside them.

"I found your thicker silver lining, by the way."

"What?" She looked up at him and raised an eyebrow.

"You weren't happy with the silver lining of this dark cloud being your survival. But what about having our family here?" He rubbed her back and offered a small smile. "We may have another year added to our journey, but we're here together. All of us. And they don't seem unhappy about what happened, so why should you?"

"You're stubborn, you know that?"

"I know. And it's only because I have to put up with you and your stubbornness." His smile widened and he kissed her softly.

Her arm wound around him so their sides were pressed together and her head could rest against his shoulder. She was quiet for a bit, to the point that Chakotay almost thought she had fallen asleep against him.

"I still had nightmares," she eventually murmured, "even with you there."

"I'm sure you'll have them for a while," he sighed, absently kissing her head. "I can help, but I can't make them go away."

"But you talk about a silver lining, about things being okay…"

He shook his head and pulled back just enough to look at her. "

"The silver lining is one thing to focus on, one good thing to anchor yourself when things get overwhelming. That's what this celebration is for you." He stroked her cheek and then kissed her softly. "To get to the silver lining, you still have to go through the dark cloud. Or around it."

"I love you, Chakotay."

"I love you, Kathryn."


End file.
